What I wanted to be reading was 50 Works of English Literature We Could Do Without, because Alice said the authors sounded ‘brilliant, bored, and irritated’ which is a flavor combination I enjoy, but my library is short on things like that and long on things like this written-by-a-90s-sitcom-dad piece of garbage that I didn’t finish.
He says things like ‘homeboys’ and ‘big whup.’ Remember when we all used to day ‘big whup’? We were wearing jelly shoes at the same time, because we were eight.
And he keeps going on about ‘Macho Lit’ and ‘Virility Lit’ (which in my head is like this
but in his is, like, The Illiad i.e. Achilles Whines About Stuff For, Like, EVER, and Then Kills Some Guys), the ‘most macho’ of which is Beowulf. ‘Literary, yes, but let there be no mistake: this is no Pride and Prejudice.’ I mean, this work isn’t all full of LADIES and shit, amirite? No bitches be up in here, playing the pianoforte and doing fine needlework and trying to ensure their livelihood and that of any unmarried female relatives by attracting a man of reasonable income who is hopefully not also a troll, AMIRITE? Bitches.
Oh, except Grendel, but ‘Beowulf has to go whup up on her.’
Ok and that’s where I put it down AT FIRST, and then was like, Ehhhh, let’s see what this guy has to say about something not written by dudes. Like, Pride and Prejudice, maybe.
Apparently the ‘standard logic’ indicates that if you sit down to pee, you will like Jane Austen, and if you stand, you wont, because BATHROOM HUMOR. But, Murnighan rushes to assure you, even dudes can like JA (or at least P&P [or at least the first two thirds]). If you ARE a dude, he’d like to congratulate you on taking an interest in ‘an activity, like midwifery or attentive listening, with which [your] gender has had little historical affiliation.’ I assume that this ‘activity’ he refers to is ‘reading books written by someone without the same plumbing as you,’ and *I* didn’t get any fucking accolades for reading the chapters on Homer or Ovid, so this is where I put this shit down.
This goes in the DNFiles. Come at me, 2014.