Ok, I know. I know! But at this point, it’s totally my own fault for reading, but it’s like a car wreck and I can’t look away. Besides, SO many awesome and hilarious things happen in Eclipse, and *spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler* seriously, if you care at all about reading these books and haven’t yet, stop reading RIGHT NOW, because I have some shit to say.
Awesome thing the first: Charlie tells Bella that Edward is too controlling, that she is spending too much time with him, and that she should branch out some more and make new friends. I cannot tell you how richly satisfying this was to read. Bella’s all, Blah blah blah, the few hours between when I leave Edward at school and when he comes to my house AND THEN STAYS THERE FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT AND THEN COMES WITH ME TO SCHOOL THE NEXT MORNING SO THAT I AM NEVER APART FROM HIM OTHER THAN THESE FEW HOURS, these hours are torture. And then Charlie’s all, Bitch, please. Go hang out with some girlfriends. This is unhealthy. Because Bella is that friend who’s always coming to you with her boyfriend problems, and who just can’t make good romantic decisions, and you feel bad for her for about twenty minutes and then spend the rest of your friendship wanting to smack her in the teeth.
And I know, I went on for a while in my review of New Moon about how much I hate her, but in discussing the Twilight movie with Trish, I realized that I kind of genuinely love everything about these books except for the whole Bella-Edward thing, which, sadly, is most of it. But the surrounding vampires? Awesome! Jacob and company? Ok, sometimes I want to send Jacob secret ‘She’s not worth it’ notes, but all in all they’re fine. Bella and Edward, together and separately? Somebody’s taking to heavy drinking (hint: it’s me).
Which leads me to awesome thing the second: About halfway through, Edward decides he’s going to stop being such a nannycakes and let Bella make her own decisions. Sigh. Of. Relief. I’ve dated obsessively controlling guys before, and every time Edward would be all, You can’t, you mustn’t, I will have my sister kidnap you and hold you hostage while I’m out of town so that you don’t (fr rls!), something deep and repressed inside of me would shake its chains and holler, Holy responsibility to society, Meyer! This is your male lead! However you paint him, that is how your impressionable teen readers are going to want him. So, phew, he finally realized that this was tearing Bella apart, and my Unresolved Issues were able to go back to their cross-stitching, or whatever it is they do in their spare time. If Edward became unrealistically saintly and forgiving afterwards (sure it’s fine that you kissed another boy, Bella. Sure it’s fine that you kissed him again. Sure I’m jealous. Let him and me calmly discuss our jealousy, and the myriad of reasons we love you, while you pretend to sleep. Sure it’s fine that you’re in love with him and want to ease his pain. Let me go fetch him for you.), this is fiction.