How have I not heard of these? Have you heard of these? Apparently, Oxford University Press has published a series of books on the Seven Deadly Sins. Hilariousment! If the other six worked out half as well as this one did, then what a fabulous idea!!! Unfortunately, as has been oft proven, the best-laid literary plans of mice and men etc etc etc.
Sloth works. This book just slayed me. If you’ve ever read any self-help books (come on, fess up), you will get it and you will laugh. If you haven’t, you’ll be all ‘Ten days to total slothdom? Whatever.’ But obviously you need to crack open The Secret or The South Beach Diet or something, because your life is unfulfilling, and you are fat.
Wasserstein insists that, rather than running around like ‘insane wolves,’ we should all just become ‘sleepy, happy sheep.’ She advocates a two-week period of complete…inertia? No, that’s totally wrong. Inert-ness? Whatever, two weeks of not moving, in order to get yourself into a total state of slothdom. Once there, you can start adding various horizontal activities to your day, like lying down, eating whilst lying down, reading brainless literature whilst lying down (In Style is good), occasionally rolling over as to be lying down on the other side. Since I’ve been off school for a week and have no job, I’m all, yes, yes, I can do this.
So, Wasserstein is all poking fun at every other six-step plan to total enrichment or tighter buns or less-cluttered closets or whiter teeth or whatever, and I’m all, haw haw, this is funny, six-step plans are stupid, busy people are stupid, lazy people are stupid, etc. But then, in amongst the Ten Rules of Sloth, between Do Not Wash and You Are Your Own Sloth is Learn To Love Yourself As You Are, because ‘nobody’s weight or blood-pressure count is listed on their obituary.’ Also, Stop Competing, because ‘we often do a job we’re not necessarily interested in just because we want to do it better than the person sitting next to us.’ And this is true, and that other is true, and all of a sudden I’m thinking there may be more to this book than 110 pages of sweet hilarity.
Also, 110 pages = tiny books = you can’t hate me if you read this book and don’t like it.